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digital dirge

by brett.grant.5

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1.
there's still time to make you fine to fix what's wrong inside of you the doctors, they'll know what to do to save your life not let you die to keep you here right by my side and then we'll go- IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED I never thought it would turn out this way, That you'd be leaving me by the end of the day, I thought that everyone was overreacting, I thought that everybody overreacted, I was wrong. And now, Now you're gone. For fifteen years, I've been trying to hear, Some kind of message from you, just to prove that you're near, Feels like I'm living life inside of a ghost town Yes, I've been living life inside of a ghost town for so long... Eleven years passed just to find the Sun. It feels like it happened yesterday, But at the same time it feels like it was lifetimes away, And I'm still bargaining for just a moment, Yes, I'm still bargaining for just a split second with you... I prayed so much, Until I saw the truth. You're never coming back, I understand, But please don't lie to me and say it's part of God's plan, Cuz none of this happened for a reason, Oh no, not everything happens for a reason, It's not fair... I won't investigate to see if God is there. So here we are, the precipice of our lives, And both our backs are filled with all of Fate's sharpest knives, And all our blood is pouring out of the wounds now, Yes, all our blood is pouring out of those wounds, Down to the floor... I'm afraid to see what Fate has got in store. I still remember the day when you left me, It felt like I was still asleep, living life in a dream, And now I feel like I'm running from something, Yes I've been feeling like I'm running from something, For so long, I'm running out of breath, And I feel like I've got Nowhere left to run.
2.
I... I think I'm feeling better now. It's been at least a week since I thought of you. And I... I wonder how you're doing now. This black hole, Left in your place, Consumes more than I can possibly say. So I'm running out of ideas, To reach beyond your event horizon. Beyond the event horizon, Lies the life I've always dreamed of, Life, simple, yet full of meaning, A future, bright, shining, gleaming. I... I think I just remembered now, It's been at least a month since I thought of you. And I... I'm feeling pretty guilty now. This black hole, Left in your place, Consumes more with every passing day. So I'm feeling a measure of shame, For moving beyond the event horizon.
3.
We're all on this journey, (I get it) But why do all the saints leave early? They leave us crying, They leave us screaming, Stuck with the demons who all get to live and thrive. It's kind of tragic, The blackest magic, Could not revive my father from Death's gaping maw, Or any others, The sisters, brothers, And in a steady march, Death's coming for us all. If I get there, (and) I don't see you, (could) You please call out to me, Tell me that you're there? (or) If there's nothing, (just) Endless blackness, (I) Guess it wouldn't matter, I'd be less than air. Animal noises, (they're) Scratching, tearing, (at) My little sanity, So tell me that you're there! (or) If you're nothing, (what) I'm afraid of, (then) I guess that nothing matters, God just doesn't care. I feel like I'm burning, (forget it) Shackled depression in a cage of apathy, It turns to numbness, I'm under duress, Stuck with the monsters who all get to live and thrive. Eyes pried wide open, I've lost all hope, and, This never-ending sadness brought me to my knees, Watching the others: Destruction lovers, That get to go around just doing as they please.
4.
missing you 04:31
I said nothing, Those written words were trite and cheap. I said nothing, Convinced that I'd always have the time. I said nothing, And when I tried, it wasn't deep. I said nothing, and now I've gotta pay for that crime. You see, I never had a good excuse, And now I get to spend my life missing you. And now I'll never- Connection's severed, And this regret will just fill this endless well. They say it's not my fault. I guess they're right. They say she knew my love. I really hope they're right. Just say nothing, I cannot take your judging texts. Just say nothing, Why would you even ask me those things? Just say nothing, Cuz I don't know what's coming next. Just say nothing, Please let my heart just mourn as it sings: You know I just don't have a good excuse, And explanations for this don't have no use. You just don't get it- How I regret it, And you know that I deserve to go to hell. They say it's not my fault. I guess they're right. They say she knew my love. I really hope they're right...
5.
catharsis 04:21
It's been fifteen years, Since you left the room; Feels like it was only yesterday. It's been fifteen years, Since I met this gloom; I never got to tell you what I had to say. You will be remembered, In the stories that we tell, We'll bring your name up often, So people know it well. And though it hurts so badly, I promise that we'll try, To find a way to continue, To say "God speed, goodbye." It's been barely a week, Since we said farewell, Your parents were stones in a hurricane. It's been barely a week, And it's so hard to tell, How long it will take to recover from the pain. You will be remembered, In the stories that we tell, We'll bring your name up often, So people know it well. And though it hurts so badly, (looking so hard for ways) I promise that we'll try, (you will always remain) To find a way to continue, (even though you are gone) To say "God speed, goodbye." (even from beyond the grave, I know you care) Seeking catharsis in your wake. Why did you have to disappear? Seeking catharsis in your wake. Why did you go and leave us here?

about

an exploration of death, loss, and grief; this album is dedicated to and inspired by the family and friends that have passed on throughout my life, but particularly those lost in 2016. their memories will live on forever, and i feel an incredible privilege to be able to dedicate this work to them. i love the songs on this album, and i hope those that we have lost do as well.


digital dirge was written and recorded by brett grant between 7/5/16 and 7/23/16.

credits

released July 24, 2016

all writing, recording, mixing, and mastering - brett grant

this album was recorded using:
- korg volca beats
- microkorg synthesizer
- korg kaossilator pro
- garageband for mac

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all rights reserved

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brett.grant.5 Chicago, Illinois

Drummer of the now-defunct TOOFUNCHILD, guitar/synth/backup vox of current A Million Rich Daughters, and solo musician brett.grant.5 draws influence from a wide range of musical sources and genres, ranging from 1920's jazz to video game music and experimental indie rock. ... more

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